He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
