a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
