i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
