come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
