A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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