i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
