So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
