somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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