brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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