I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
