Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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