We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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