Umm I'm too high to move.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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