did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
