Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
