They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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