I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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