it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
