hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
