is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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