I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can't special order awesome
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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