i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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