Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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