You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
