Don't make out with my wife yet
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
