you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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