are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
