the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
