Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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