well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
