I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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