I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God, I missed his penis.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
