I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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