i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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