Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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