Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
