i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
