New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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