why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
