he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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