you guys were way drunker than both of me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What drink are we having for lunch?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
