I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is wine microwaveable?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
