My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
