You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
