Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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