Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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