At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
