I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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