i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
