I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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