You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
