Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
