Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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