Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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