just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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