I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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