we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
