it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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