So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
