That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
