Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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