He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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