You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
