I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
