hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
