he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
