Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you traded sex for a burrito?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
