The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the day after is always just damage control
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
