8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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