Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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