ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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