There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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