You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
