I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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