Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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