i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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