I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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