He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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