Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
