hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
