4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
