do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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