i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
