her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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