I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
