We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
