It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Too much gin, very little bucket
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
