I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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